Friday, October 23, 2009


I love this time of year. I love the cool mornings, the leaves rustling in the wind, the smell of the air, the feel of the wind on my face.
I love the way I smell after I play in the leaves. I love having to wear a sweatshirt because all of the windows are open and it is just a little chilly.

With all of the things I love about this season there is one thing I don't like.


My depression is manageable. I take daily medications that make me functional, happy on most days. But every fall around mid-October, without fail, I become sad. I want to lay in bed, snuggled up, hiding from the world. I want to sleep the days, weeks, and months away. I want to hibernate like a bear until the spring comes.
Is it the change in the amount of sun I get? Possibly. Is it the added stress of homework times 4? I am sure that adds to it.

I have my good days and my bad days. I am able to function daily thanks to modern medicine.
The thing that always makes me whole again (even for just a minute) is the Spirit of Christ. I felt it today while I watched this:

Lifting Burdens

I know that true peace and happiness is found from only through Jesus Christ. He is my Redeemer, my Savior, my Advocate with the Father. He knows me and loves me.
He has felt my sadness and is there to comfort me. I am sad, but I won't always be. There is hope in Him. I will one day be whole and it is His gift to me.

PS. Please don't take this as a "pity post". It is a post about how I feel. My love of the changing weather and my dislike of hereditary medical issues. Nothing more. Maybe now you'll understand me (and my moods) a bit better.


Erin said...

no pity here but i just want to say that i am sorry that you suffer from depression. it sure makes like harder. love you!!!

alisa said...

All I have to say is I LOVE YA my friend!!

camillavt said...

Hey,'s Camilla (Stonecliffe) from Vermont. You're family is adorable! I just noticed your page via Jess. Hope all is well!

Jessica said...

I love the fall too. The cool air is invigorating isn't it? I too love having to wear sweatshirts. I think the fall is my favorite time of year. Luckily for me I get to enjoy Vermont fall temperatures all winter long here in Alabama :) I do begin to miss the sun pretty quick though. The short days are difficult. Have you ever tried tanning beds for a little extra light. I have considered lathering up with SPF 50 and trying it out. We could also try spending every weekend in Hawaii.